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Between helping his parents financially and losing income due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Jeremy Mazza found himself in serious credit card debt. Relief came from a source he hadn’t expected. his partner Gina Lambert, who received a small inheritance. He offered to “invest” a portion of his prize into their future together, giving Mazza small sums of money that he could apply to his debt.

It took some convincing.

“Having had to ask for money when I was a provider and had parents who were asking for money themselves, I didn’t want to follow in their footsteps and go,” says Mazza. “But this wasn’t it. This was caring.”

Mazza and Lambert approached the situation with open communication and specific loan terms. And it pays off for them. Mazza estimates that his credit score increased by about 150 points. The couple, who live in Richmond, Virginia, are getting married this year, and they hope to buy a home soon, too.

“I was very, very, very interested in making sure my partner’s credit score and finances were in the best possible shape,” Lambert says.

While joint debt is a shared responsibility, the individual debts you bring into the relationship are ultimately yours to handle. Still, they can get in the way of making life plans as a couple, so it might make sense to have your significant other help you with your debt in some way. But don’t jump into such arrangements without a plan.

GET INTO A VULNERABLE FINANCIAL PICTURE

It’s important to be open with each other about your individual financial situations, especially as your relationship becomes more serious.

“If a couple is planning to get married, it’s a good idea to have a conversation before you get married,” says Trina Patel, a Los Angeles-based senior manager of financial consulting at financial services firm Albert.

Plan a couple of no-money-down dates where you talk about what’s going on for each of you. Those conversations can help you establish common goals and figure out what steps to take to achieve them, such as adjusting your budget or finding ways to increase revenue.

“Debt can often create feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment that keep spouses from talking about their debts,” says Leanne Rahn, a financial advisor at Fiduciary Financial Advisors in Grand Rapids, Michigan. “Vulnerability is hard, but remember, you and your significant other are a team.”

CONSIDER NON MONETARY WAYS TO HELP!

You may be unable or unwilling to pay your partner’s debt. However, there are many other ways you can provide support. You can serve as an accountability buddy, help review your family budget if you live together, or find ways to be more frugal in your overall spending.

Maybe you can take on a few extra chores around the house to give your partner time to put in extra hours at work, or you can help your partner edit his resume if he wants to find a higher-paying job.

DISCUSS FINANCIAL OFFICER AGREEMENT

If you like to donate money to your partner or give him a loan for his debts, iron out all the details. Mark the dollar amounts and write it all down.

Lambert, for example, started by offering Mazza a six-month interest-free loan of $2,000. Over time, they both became comfortable with additional, larger loans.

Working with a contract attorney can help both partners feel at ease.

“A legally binding agreement will definitely make the responsibilities of each spouse/significant other clear and simple to hold them accountable under the law,” says Rann.

WHEN WE SAY NO

It’s okay if you don’t want to take on someone else’s financial burden, even if you care about them. If your relationship is relatively new or you’re not sure how it might progress, you can still cheer on your partner as he pays off his debt.

And if your partner won’t take your no for an answer, consider that a money red flag and proceed with caution.

“I wouldn’t have suggested this if we were still in the honeymoon phase,” says Lambert. “At that moment we had already moved in together. He has already proven himself many times to be reliable.”

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This column was provided to The Associated Press by the personal finance website NerdWallet. Sarah Ratner is a writer for NerdWallet. Email: srathner@nerdwallet.com. Twitter: @SaraKRathner.

RELATED LINK:

NerdWallet. money red flags can make or break a couple https://bit.ly/nerdwallet-money-red-flags-can-make-or-break-a-couple

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